Figured I should just make a topic for these lol

*boy whispers to his mom during a wedding*
boy: "Mommy?"
mom: "What?"
boy: "Why is the girl dressed in white?"
mom: "Because this is the happiest day of her life."
boy: "... so why is the boy dressed in black?"

Before Marriage-
Boy: I have been waiting for this day.
Girl: Do u want me to leave??
Boy: NO!!!!
Girl: Do u love me?
Boy: Of Course
Girl: Will u ever cheat on me??
Boy: Never in my life
Girl: Will u ever kiss me?
Boy: Every chance i get
Girl: Will u hit me??
Boy: Are u crazzy..!
Girl: Can i trust u??
Boy: Yes..!!
Girl: Sweet Heart..!
-After Marriage-
(now read from bottom to top)

LOL! first one wasnt that funny, but the second one made me fall out of my chair. hahahaha.

Thief....

lmao

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says 'Can u please come over, I have a puzzle and I dont know how to assesmble it.' The boyfriend asks 'What's it meant to be when it's finished' 'A rooster' she replied. She shows him the puzzle. He studied the pieces, looked at the box and says to her 'Firstly, this puzzle will never be assembled.' He takes her hand 'Secondly, I want you to relax, have a cup of tea' He takes a deep sigh and finally says........ 'and u can put the Cornflakes back in the box'

Today, the class b**tch jokingly asked a slightly overweight girl "So, when are you due?" The b*tch was speechless when the girl replied, "I don't know, ask your boyfriend "

rofl.

ahahaahahahahahahahaha lmao

my friend's:

"Canadas largest practical joke unfolds as quebecers, lovers of humour, elect mass ndp."

We have the same joke going around the states by electing Republicans. Once we get some tea baggers elected, then the joke spreads to the rest of the world...

WHY DO WE NEED SCHOOL ?
-MUSIC: We have YouTube for that.
-SPORT: I have a Wii.
-SPANISH: I watch Dora.
-ENGLISH: Everything is shortened anyway. (LOL, BRB, IDK)
-MATH: That's why we have calculators.
-GEOGRAPHY: I'll buy a globe.
-HISTORY: They're all dead anyway.

Nice

Thank you :p

*I walk into the classroom with a jacket on*
teacher: take that jacket off NOW!! they are against school rules
me: OMG, I am so sorry! Is anyone hurt? no? ok....I'll just slowly remove this extremely hazardous jacket....off of my torso....and slowly freeze to death.....
me:but miss, why are you wearing a jacket?
teacher: because it's cold an-
me:EVERYONE GET DOWN! SHE'S GOT A JACKET!
*class gets down and screams in fear*

My personal favorite one that I've read lmao

Ok, this one's pretty good too

WIFE: I wish i was a newspaper,so i'd be in your hands all day
HUSBAND: I too wish that you were a newspaper,so i could have a new one everyday

Rofl

Edit: Figured I could add this one to this instead of making another post, guess I coulda done that earlier but I didn't think about it.

10 Things to Do in English Class:
1. throw paper at your teacher.
2. pretend your class is being attacked by birds.
3. stand up, scream "YEAHH BUDDY!" then sit down.
4. raise your hand to ask a question, and tell the teacher you were summoning "the force"
5. do a cartwheel down the rows of seats.
6. go take a nap in the recycling bin.
7. have a serious conversation with yourself.
8. write something on your forehead in black marker.
9. throw things at the kid next to you.
10. ask to go to the bathroom, and never come back.

I wish I was still in school to do some of these things lol

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things. Sincerely, 7

Last night,
my boyfriend had the hiccups.
We were in bed watching a movie & they were so bad,
the bed shock everytime.
I was getting annoyed so I took his hand, looked him in the eye and said
"I'm pregnant!"
Best. Hiccup. Cure. Ever.

oh data, you forgot about another class subject from above, and why we also don't need it.

SEX ED - we can learn about that by going downtown in ANY large city and searching street corners with a couple hundred bucks in pocket.

I couldn't find someone in high school with a dollar, let alone a couple hundred...

President Bush tried and failed.
President Clinton tried and failed.
President Obama tried and succeeded.
.
The moral of this is...
If you want someone dead, hire a black man.

nodata wrote:President Bush tried and failed.
President Clinton tried and failed.
President Obama tried and succeeded.
.
The moral of this is...
If you want someone dead, hire a black man.

Excuse me but Obama didn't do jack shit. He sat on his lazy fucking ass and 'commanded' some marines to do it.

Sorry but to be honest Obama doesn't get jack shit credit from me. The marines are the ones that did the work and the ones that KILLED that towel head.

Fuck Obama. I give ALL credit to the marines for being so brave and having the courage to fuck shit up.


--Sorry if I seem hostile, just woke up from nap and shit hit the fan after that.

Seal team 6 did it, actually...



Edit: Btw, just cuz they're my quotes, doesn't mean I said them...just means I'm quoting them.